Have you ever had so much on your mind, that you weren’t sure which path to take, so you just begin and allow the chips to fall where they may. Today was such a great and humbling day. I do not know where to start. So let’s start with Church. Ahh, yes an excellent messaged delivered by Stephen Mansfield. Let’s see if I can locate my notes as I did have a headache during service. He spokes about the fullness and he referenced Galatians 4:4. I believe the word he used was pluroma (sic), give me a moment to google, it – I will be right back, thank you for your patience. Oops incorrect spelling, the correct spelling is “Pleroma”. My very thought at this moment is fullness does not mean stuffed/overstuffed. The source I am culling from concerning this word is Magisteria and it states Pleroma was Light, it was Full, it was Complete, it was Wonderful, it was Nouns and Verbs with Capital letters. It was the place to be. Stephen Mansfield also used the word pregnant and was was speaking how Jesus came in the fullness of times and not great times, in fact awful times. A time when King Herod murdered his 10 wives and 14 children. I then wrote down Hebrew 5:8 and learned obedience from what he suffered (and I could only scream hallelujah in my mind, it was so spot on for me) so that he (Jesus) could be better suited for God’s purpose. I then wrote down Eccl 3, I am sure there were some specific verses, but I wrote – not prepared for our comfort, but effective in the lives of others, to me this is akin to my Bible Study Facilitator saying God is more concerned with our Character than our Comfort.
I recall years ago while attending Sunday School, we were on a topic, not sure what it was, but I vividly recall me standing and saying, you know it’s easy to stand and praise God when all is going well, but how many of us would stand and praise and thank him when things are not going well? We can say thank you Lord and raise our hands, citing how good God is when when we have a steady and decent paycheck, can pay our bills, get some of our wants and all of our needs, oh it is so easy then. I use to wonder how the homeless felt. But who among us will still give God the praise in adversity? Well I had no idea at the time, that my time would come to be tested for the very thing I was asking about. Trust me when it came, it came with a vengeance! It came with an evil designed to send me straight to the streets of homelessness or to the grave. I mean I had no idea people did these types of things. I’d always been thankful even in times, when things did not seem to go so well. I felt I was thankful and humble, but this would be a new test, a new anger, a new rage that I would fail over and over for awhile.
I recall when we (hubby and I) first left the military, hubby went in advance of me to the DMV area. He rented an apartment because initially I would only come on weekends. When I arrived, I thought it was the most hideous place ever and it had roaches. I’d never lived in a place with roaches my entire life, oh I fussed and complained – how dare he, that my dad would never have put me in a place like that and so forth and so on. Then I went to DC and for the first time in my life, I saw homeless people, for the first time in my life, I saw poverty first – hand and I was humbled. I went to Church that following Sunday and I lifted my hands and I praised and thank God (in the highest voice) for that roach coach apartment and learned how to use bleach very well. I was just thankful to have a roof after seeing people sleeping in the street. It was a true eye opener.
We would then proceed to make a full transition from the military not knowing what awaited us. The military had been a comfortable insulation from the rest of the world that we were about to be exposed to, both of us had been sleepwalking, I say my husband still is and after my Jeff Feinberg Blackau TerroRcaust (from which I am still enduring & persevering), I believe I am awake. Again, I digress. We would go on to Contracting positions, from an apartment to a home and so forth, just being the best we had been trained to be. Both of us came from Christian backgrounds, he a hard-working country boy from a family of 10 children and me a military only child, many termed military children as brats, oft times spoiled preceding the brat.
I never felt I was spoiled, I was an only child and had a lot, but in that lot – I had a dad who came from a family of 9 and a mom who came from a family of 12. I am counting the two parents in these numbers. So they were familiar with hard times in the rural South. Mom had one dress as a child and she wore it everyday and it was made out of a potato sack. They were poor by America’s standards, but they were good hearted, hardworking, honest people. They were caring people. As a child growing up military, my parents exposed me to a plethora of activities for the lives they never had. I was in everything, I was a Girl Scout, a Cheerleader, a Softball player, a Basketball player ( more like bench warmer – ball player, lol). Mom was a coach with her basketball team and dad was a coach with his basketball team. I was on Mom’s basketball team, oops excuse me, on Mom’s basketball team’s bench. Sometimes for good measure she would put me in the last 30 seconds of the game. I just was not a great player, hell I wasn’t even a good player – basketball or softball, but they tried to groom me the athletic way, it was not in my DNA. Dad’s team was awesome, those girls were some serious ball players, I was nowhere near their league – they won the Championship and I was thrilled for them as well as that basketball season was OVER – lol!
I took swimming, sewing, karate and believe somewhere in between attempted the musical instrument to no avail, although I was pretty darn good in karate. I love to talk and LOVED my tape recorder. I promised I was going to be the next black Barbara Walters, but my parents did not cultivate that and so Oprah (and I would get called her for years to come, depending how I wore my tresses) came along. I was truly happy to see this. I wanted to be on TV, be a Movie Star (what I think I know now, then God surely knows best), Game Show Host, Radio Host anything that would allow me to use my then great reading voice. When I worked at K-Mart in college I loved doing the Blue Light Specials, I would change my voice to pretend I was from England (was pretty good at that – then) and people in Petersburg would come to the Automotive Department just to see whose voice that was over the Intercom. I would talk to them, everyone. It was fun, it was a great job because I loved people, although I was selling PennZoil oil and car batteries. I had a great boss, great co-workers and that is how I thought life was – Tony the Tiger great! I was the light in the blue for that department – lol! At first they tried to make me an Accountant, uggh, that was not my spot of tea, it was b-o-r-i-n-g, they put me on the floor to sell, with that Intercom, Bluelight and People, ooh la la there was my fit. Guys would purchase oil when they didn’t need any – ha! ha! ha!
So back at Fort Gordon, Ga, I was in the talent show with two other friends and we sang Bring The Boys Home by Freda Payne, oh I so loved that show, but there was one slight issue, I was not born to sing or sang – the vocal chords did not have that touch, that blessing, albeit I loved to sing, so let’s just say, I was never going to get a recording contract and if you were in earshot of my wailing you needed a pair of earplugs or at the very least you needed me to sing solo, not the by myself solo, but so-low so you couldn’t hear me.
I would go on to Cheer and I so loved cheering, now that I could do and could do well, along with dancing.
So the fruits of my dad’s labor came from me being a military dependent. My dad was very civic minded and caring. Mom was a Red Cross volunteer, they would take me to the local Orphanage every year to give my clothes and toys to the children there. I recall when dad said we were going to visit the Orphanage. I asked what is an Orphanage, he said that is a place where children do not have parents. Children do not have parents (mortified), what are you saying dad, everyone has parents, everyone I knew had parents. Hearing the words – no parents, brought on a tremendous sadness and despair, even as I type this – my heart hurts. I could not imagine not having a mom and dad. So with trepidation, we’d packed the car with my old clothes and toys and head off to this building called an Orphanage. When we arrived and went in, I saw all these children, I was dismayed that the place was so large and there were soooo many children and the sadness on their faces, I remember it like it was yesterday. Seemed like they were frightened when we first arrived, but after awhile some of them warmed up and smiled and then was sad to see us leave – talk about a lasting impression. Mom and Dad had hearts of gold and tender spots for children and I developed that as well.
As a member of the Girl Scouts, my Troop would visit Senior Citizen homes and 41 years later today, I would visit another one. While inside I was full with emotions, fought back the tears as we passed out cards, talked to the seniors and sang for them. You can sing in front of the elderly and they think it sounds good – lol! What a great event, but with tinged with feelings of bittersweet sadness. When I returned to my car to leave the home, I just cried before I could even drive away, I nearly cried all the way home.
At Fort Gordon, GA – we lived on post – Story Drive. The post had MP Guards, we were safe from the outside world and in short life was good. We enjoyed Church, friends, family etc… Dad was a MP, he loved being a MP, that was tall cotton for a dark skinned black man from the country. Mom and Dad were teaching parents. They taught me benevolence, love, respect, honesty, integrity, about God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Church – you know what I thought all kids were taught. They planted positive seeds of confidence and greatness from their knowledge and exposure at that time. You don’t litter, you don’t do drugs, get no baby out of wedlock – because they are called bastards (oops, messed that one up) and when you graduate you go to college period, there were no other options, baby or not.
So I was on my way to UCLA, that was where I was going ever since I was in the 4th grade. How I chose that, not sure, I think Angela Davis but up til graduation and after talks of the Air Force Academy, I was going to UCLA. Dad was working it for me to go to the Academy, but then life changed, you know that disappointing “oops” and that was not going to happen although his connects said we could make it happen if I did one thing, but I wasn’t willing – book stuff. But what happened (book stuff) altered the course of me going to the Air Force Academy as well as UCLA but at my own youthful decisions. I will talk about those detais in the book. Mom and Dad, said hey if you still want to go tot UCLA, you can go, we will make it happen, but I said no and attended and matriculated from Virginia State University, Petersburg, Virginia.
I received a commission as a 2LT in the United States Army. You want to talk about one proud dad after my oops disappointment, dad grinned from ear to ear the entire time his daughter was in the Army, until his death, he was sooooo proud and if you knew him – you knew it, even if you didn’t know him – you knew it – lol! Lawd don’t let me come home on leave, Dawn wear your uniform. I had to wear my uniform everywhere for dad. He would be shocked to sugar and tremendously hurt if he knew what they really did to innocent citizens now. He would not be able to handle this disappointment because he loved, loved the Army! He thought like I did, it was a protective not a destructive force. How do you say – straight HOODWINKED. Thank God he died with the delusion and I have to endure the pain of the Target Hit List Jeff Feinberg put me on. I wouldn’t want to spoil dad’s view with this heinous evil of Jeff’s abuse of power and depraved mental connects at the Pentagon and the other agencies who ruined me in this racial carnage – just cause they can.
So while Stephen Mansfield’s message today spoke to King Herod, evil and vileness, and not being prepared for our comfort… as a child I was comfortable and comforted, I was living in the fullness of times, so I thought. I would come to learn those prayers beyond, now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take, but Lord I really don’t want to die just yet. Eventually my prayers matured into thank you Lord for protecting me from seen and unseen dangers and boy I tell you, I had no idea what the magnitude of this meant until I encountered Jeff Feinberg while under the employ of Verizon FNS – whew!!!! This is an unseen danger, I could have done without.
Mom and Dad always said be kind to people. Dad specifically said, treat everyone nice, it doesn’t matter their color, race, religion etc… it doesn’t matter if they are a Janitor or the President of the United States, you be nice to everyone and so that seed was firmly rooted in me and I did my level best to be a good, pleasant kind person. Also Frank U. would tell me in College that we are all God’s children, no one is better than anyone, he said some are better off financially, but that doesn’t make you, me, us, better in God’s eyes, someone with more money is not a better person. It gets down to the heart and obedience. That was a power lesson too!
Later I would go on to practice daily affirmations and followed people like Les Brown to the point, I pushed myself into his life at the radio station – pretty bold I was. I was getting closer to the Hosting career – hmmm or so I thought. More on this in a follow-on blog. I was and on some level remain an outgoing, gregarious, caring and loquacious person. I must say it is quite different now. After becoming a TI and being exposed to Gangstalkers and Satellite weaponry to haunt and taunt innocent citizens just for the hell of it, I no longer trust a soul! So Jeff’s haunting forever is TRUE!
Mom and Dad always stressed education, like I said after High School, you go to College, there were NO other options. Mom said you got to college so… (book stuff) and get a good education, so you can get a good job, pay your bills, because no one can take your education because that is in your head and she would lovingly touch my head with her finger. Mom did not know 36 – 40 years later I would encounter Jeff Feinberg and his wickedness and the power he wielded, to not only take everything you honestly and legally worked for, but also to have his goons fraudulently take your security clearance, put you out of a job, haunt, taunt & terrorize you, steal your mail, your money from your bank account, rape & rob life/livelihood, attempt to set-up, trump up, make-up, take your life, try to take your mind, I mean just downright make you an enemy of the world. Thankfully I am a friend of Jesus and a child of the King, otherwise I’d be the basket case they were desperately trying to make me. How do you say Lavonne Adams?
No one in my sphere had a background or history for this evil, vile and wickedness. No one in our circles ever heard of or experienced any of this and my circle of friend and associates is about 90% military. In in short we were ignorant and unequipped to deal this mayhem or so we thought – But God, But God, this unseen danger had never visited any of us – whew!!!!! And I am talking 20 -30 year retired Officers who have/had a great view of the complex who fostered and groomed us to be people of honor and integrity. Things changed somewhere down the line. President Reagan said – No Government schemes is going to perfect men. These actions with Jeff is purely an unseen legacy of evil that I just had no earthly idea. How does one heal from this? You could not tell me this encounter was not a Job-like experience (but it wasn’t, it is NOT).
So now Dawn, tell me an education can maintain our comfort, tell me now mom, tell me now God, anyone, someone tell me how in the hell does this happen, especially when you NEVER, EVER did a thing to this beast. Hmmmmmm (book stuff) Want to talk about a foundation shattering, want to talk about a Blackau, a TerroRcaust, a Ruination Camp, yikes! Not in a multi-million gazillion twilight zone years, could I have ever thought or dreamed such heinous evil. You can’t make this stuff up! Unseen evil that most are not privy to. Whew it hurts me to write about it, but I have to, I have to release, because I can no longer go see a Psychologist, because I would have to go through their corrupt Industrial Complex. I have anxiety writing this.
The word says in James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Whew I was like how in the world can I consider all this evil and pain pure joy, but I learned I can and I am still learning. This was one of my early, early scriptures at the commencement of this suffering. God gave me so much during this time and is still giving it to me, to equip me for the crown. So I’ve learned to Push, Press, Pray and Praise during this immense pain. I still have a long way to go, but I know that in the midst of my suffering – he is transforming and equipping and most times NOW, I do count it pure joy. I know that with the help of the Holy Spirit, I will release the anger, I will forgive wholly from a pure heart, and that I am getting closer to obedience and righteousness.
I still have work that needs to be done – like my profanity laced mouth needs a lot of help, because I can out curse the best Sailor. I just read in James 1:26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongue deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Interesting how this same chapter speaks about orphans and widows. I would also do work in an Orphanage in Korea as an adult. And then it speaks to widows and there were widows in the Senior Citizen home today.
When I was looking to cite James, I first went to 2 Tim 3:8… they are men of depraved minds, who, as far as faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone.
2 Tim 3:12, In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted….17, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. The term persecuted here also in other versions says harass, suffer persecution and will have trouble from others, oh how I can attest to this!
Stephen Mansfield spoke about HOPE, Agitator and living in the fullness of time, says it is NOT EASY, but that God give us the courage to live valiantly during these times or something to this effect, at least this was my Take-Away! Through this pain, I am thankful that I now know that God is equipping and fashioning me for HIS purpose in HIS time! And trust me it is NOT EASY. It is NOT EASY knowing that what I believe that everything I worked diligently and honestly for, has been stripped by the depraved men and women – my security clearance, my once stellar credit, depletion of my retirement savings, my loss of ability to compete for labor in the job market (fraudulently blackballed), money stolen out of my bank account, hair loss, weight gain, incalculable mental and emotional stress, loss of associates, then thought of as friends, attempted set-ups, LIES, Fraud, Corruption, even an attempt to induce fear with lying about trumped up charges that I passed classified information (Aileen Thompson), claims she was told this when I did not even work with classified information at that time (how do we say Ken Ford, NSA) (Julia Davis, Homeland Security) and I’m confident countless others, perhaps Paula Broadwell. Depraved men are full of hate and without hearts and consciences, they are indeed agitators, they must be in King Herods lineage, but God’s word is not chained and I intend to be strong in the suffering like a good soldier of Jesus Christ, just as I was a good soldier for them when I was a warrior in the Army.
I trust and believe God for wisdom, I will continually pray and ask for it and I now know that my love for God, wanting to give-up sin (sin that had me bound) and struggling between sin and temptation and desiring to live a complete godly life, not just on Sundays and Wednesdays will make me a better person for God’s purpose, his will, his way, his time.
Take Away – Learned Obedience from what he suffered, perfected better suited for God’s purpose.
More importantly, I understand I have to keep my head as I endure this hardship, releasing anger, forgiving them, praying for them, trying to learn to love them and not worrying about the evil they do, but focus on God’s grace, mercy, will and purpose for my life. His love for me led him to chastise me because he is equipping me for his Kingdom, it just doesn’t get any better than God’s love to suffer his children to save our souls! Hallelujah, Amen and Ouch through all this hurt!
Disobedience, (book stuff)… is a painful teacher! I’ve come to the conclusion and believe that I am a misfit for any culture of corruption, there is no place for me in a calculated and intentional evil engagement environment. So I accept that God knows better than me, has something else for me to do, something for me to get and his will be done. I can no longer worry about what wicked liars do, but I intend to tell this Truth, no stones unturned. How I tell it, is paramount. I never desire to share it in anger, although I do at times. I desire to be effective, but I have triggers as I write that take me there.
Perseverance, Endurance and it hurts badly!!!! But it is okay, I still have a light, I still have HOPE and I do count it all as pure joy NOW and get this – many times when I have the right head. When I slip, it is not as easy, one prayer, one nanosecond at a time to get me back on track.
I was not weaned on a lemon, I learned about being weaned on lemons from Frank U. Another sage person. He and his wonderful wife Marilyn whose life’s talks with me – have encouraged and helped me tremendously. I thank God for gracing me with their wisdom and presence. Oft times, many people do not realize what an effective impact they have on your life, be it one or one hundred conversations. God knows what he does! Amen, Amon!