TIs and Forgiveness – Is It Possible, Should it Be??

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Hmmm, hi again.  I woke up the other morning thinking about forgiveness.  The Word says in Matthew 5:44, But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.  There was a time in what I term as my righteous indignation fueled anger that I said that is straight bull excrement!  How in the heck can one love the oppressor? So then people would say, God forgives you and then I would say, I “ain’t” God. I am not made of that stuff to forgive wicked asset people.”F” them.  I then saw a sermon on “F” them except that “F” was forgive them vice f*ck them.  There was a time I was so outraged, I did not give a shyt and it is expressed in my what over 30K tweets.  Twitter became my Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Sociologist, Social Worker, you name it.  God was, remains and will always be, my counselor, my provider, my father, my all in all!  I screamed at him, I screamed at Twitter, I screamed at the real Psychologist, hell I just screamed at anyone within earshot, mainly my hubby, mom and daughter.  I was  just down right pissed off.

I guess it is a great thing, a blessing that Jeff Feinberg did dodge his Deposition. I called him all types of punk ass mo fos for being a punk coward and not showing up. I wanted to see him like no one’s business, so my eyes could pierce his wicked soul. But the Napoleon Complex beast did not show up. Noooo, that would have been too much like the right thing to do and domestic terrorists do not understand right. Their evil emanates from behind a computer, behind a satellite.  Everyone lied that day, his wife, his new EA Sarah ( lest never forget, his previous one Danielle Fisher Danielle Fisher Obituary_ Danielle Fisher’s Obituary by the Star Tribune. is dead), he was ducking and dodging that Deposition like he was playing dodge ball or on a battlefield and dodging bullets and then someone would subsequently send a masked email talking about a bomb and that they are not a coward.  I placed that email in one of these  blog posts.  I am thinking seriously you crazy ass, you send this subliminal threatening email that you are not a coward?  What planet do you come from, the fact that you are sending the cryptic email makes you a coward – Punk!    Luke 6:27 says “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. Frankly, there was a time during this evil, I was not receptive to these Love your enemy scriptures.

I was more geared towards Psalm 143:12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies, destroy all my foes, for I am your servant – that is the scripture I wanted at that time, like some miraculous anything to come down and depopulate those sicko wickos who are depopulating, haunting and terrorizing innocent citizens. I would read hate quotes by Martin Luther King,  let no man pull you low enough to hate him and tried to rationalize this quote –  that these are beasts, not men.  I would also read quotes by Mahatmas Gandi, The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

and be like yeah, yeah he never encountered Jeff Feinberg. I would listen to Dr. Charles Stanley, Surviving In An Angry World and I must say, there was one time, when evil happened on the highway and I was listening to that AudioBook and I know, but I know that was nothing but God, because had I not been listening at that appointed time, I am confident the outcome would not have been positive. When I replay that scenario in my head, my soul cries out – hallelujah, thank you Lord for keeping me, because I would not have been able to keep myself!  And what happens when we don’t keep ourselves from stupidity, you got it – satan wins and that has been one of my many saving graces amidst my many failures of giving him the victory is TO NOT  give him the victory, talk about a dichotomy, or is it life, we win some, we lose some, but prayerfully, ultimately we will win what is most important – to have a Christlike  Soul, Spirit, Personality, Mind....  But the journey getting there is sometimes downright raw.  So the question becomes, have I forgiven Jeff Feinberg, Verizon and the many deceivers, wael that depends on the day.  Overall, I can say – to date, I have not achieved this ultimate forgiveness victory, probably because in part, I don’t want to, I do not feel equipped or my own evil is a block.  Do I still want to punch his lights our or spit in his face, No – I can say I have moved beyond those thoughts, but I still want to stare and stare hard. In the grand scheme of this wickedness, I accept that I must forgive, I understand that, that forgiveness must come from my heart and that it not be a perfunctory action. Right now, it would be a check the block action, it would not be authentic.  I am truly a work-in-progress in this act called forgiveness because I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. That is one of things about me I dislike,  I can and will hold a grudge, in terms of not talking, not re-engaging, not in terms of doing anything, but just leaving the person alone.  I call it loving from a distance and I can do that quite well for years and years.  When I am through, I am through.  It takes a lot to chisel that cement.  People tell me, you have to forgive so you can move forward.  Okay, so  I have had many journeys to the Altar to forgive and it did not happen, that I was too embarrassed to keep going up there, so I just stopped going, because I did not get that instantaneous BAM, I have now forgiven. I have/had a desire to be a forgiver, it didn’t happen like that and still has not happened like that.  Some days, I would be like I am here and then others days with the triggers, I would be like, screw that, some people aren’t worth forgiving.  I tried, I tried it early on, tried professionalism, tried spiritualism, and the reality that just does not work with demented sociopaths.  All this could have been nipped in the bud, early on, but noooo, Jeff Feinberg was going to show me and after my many  attempts to resolve his hate amicably and professionally, I was going to show him,that  I was not going to be afraid or kow tow to his evil, I did NOT CARE, I became NUMB.  I was going to fight this bully back if it took my last breath, because I NEVER did a thing to him for this bull excrement. I was like God, either you are going to keep me or you are not, but I am fighting back this wickedness, this Fraud, Corruption, I don’t care what they do. I was outraged that people did/do this, I’d never heard or experienced such evil in my entire being and FOR WHAT???  If I felt, I’d done one thing that offended him, if I was insubordinate, disrespectful, I would have been the first to apologize. Although, I am a grudge holder when wronged, if I wrong someone,  I will admit it and I will apologize period.  I am fallible and I own my own ways and will make concessions, but this one, directly with Jeff Feinberg, I was not wrong and I was not going to eat his excrement without a fight. That beast is just wicked and I will tell him that to his face, not in some hidden email, blog or tweet and if he his honest, lol – he would acknowledge he was wrong, but punks don’t do that, do they? No, they call up their boys and girls, their handlers to do the dirty work, to get blood on their hands, while his filthy hands remain clean.  We are talking about a hard-core white-collar criminal here.  We are not just talking about some Bully with a vendetta, although this is what I thought it was at the beginning.  Who knew this was wrapped in crime, fraud? I sure didn’t.

People would say, you know something, I would say, I don’t know a thing. People would say maybe you know, but don’t know you know and I would say, then I don’t know. I still don’t know. I speculate, there must be something in Pandora’s box or in that Genie Bottle, Jeff was desperately trying to keep under wraps. Considering the magnitude of the crime wave and the vast protection/cover-up  he gets, something is clearly amiss and I have no freakin clue what it is!  Danielle Fisher must have known, because she worked directly for Jeff Feinberg and is dead.  Depending on whom or is that who – is talking in the rumor mill, some will say it was suicide, others a classic forced and stage suicide and yet others will say her death is  a plain covered-up murder.  But there is also one other death that occurred during the course of this investigation, that is Dan Felder, talk about mysterious and how Aileen Thompson fits into this puzzle palace of Dan’s death truly remains a mystery.  Supposedly, it was a heart attack, but the question becomes, was this a health related heart attack or a Jeff Feinberg Directed Energy Weapon (DEW) satellite beam induced heart attack?  There needs to be case-law for DEW murders, DEW tumors, DEW cancers and DEW burns.  I imagine Jeff is somehow intertwined in something real sinister, he and his wife and abused the hell out of the technology against people they did not like, primarily minorities, which is why I could not understand how he could employ so many minority citizen informants like Bradford, Adams, etc… to ruin other minorities.  There must be some hell of a bounty to ruin. I can’t help but wonder, if there are people who actually did something to the Feinbeastbergs, whatever happened to them when they could not express or expose TRUTH through social media.  Were they carted to Bohemian Grove for don’t mess with me ritual sacrifices?  Are they locked in mental institutions and injected with drugs and the keys thrown away?  How much did Adams get paid for those  take aways to mental hospitals?  I will never forget her telling me, either I call or she would. She needs to call for herself, because normal people do not get involved with the intentional destruction of innocent citizens, only sick and demented people do that and they are the ones that need to be locked in a mental institution.  Now when they act on their evil, innocent people can POST it in seconds, so the very technology they use to surveill us can be used to expose as well or can it?  I will have a blog on those beasts satellite surveillance.  There is one thing I do want to know, I want to know who the hell is Jeff Feinberg, that he can wield power for other Corporations, the Government to destroy innocent people because he says so.  Who is he that his beast wife can boast about who she is but not actually tell and then next thing you know that person and her brother has  a brain tumor.  I suspect a DEW brain tumor, although I was not aware of this evil at the time. TIs experience a lot of wickedness from every crime you can imagine,  or not. I certainly did not imagine all this evil, whew – talk about a lesson and I still don’t know what all this is. I have some suspicions but certainly no confirmations on anything. One person told me, people will do anything for money. Yep, like  – invite a person to Winchester VA and stage a black BMW at the entrance with a FreeMasons license plate. Oh, so much,  that day I remained mum on leading them to believe I was unaware.  Some pieces to this wicked puzzle, I have not yet pieced, but I am working on it. I am sure some will be accurate and others will not.  Like trying to set someone up with a credit card while vending with two Sorors – hmmm, so much for sisterhood, like they say, with the almighty dollar everyone has a price.  I mean they were not aware of my rearing, certainly, my mom and dad did not raise a thief.  During  2013, I am severing ties with anyone I think is a deceiver – 19 days and counting. After awhile your spirit begins to speak to you. It probably spoke to me all along about deceivers, but either I was too depressed to get it or didn’t want to believe it. Two Sorors and a credit card at a Vending Event – not cool and I even brought it up to one, silence, blank stare – GUILTY in my book!  It was then I knew then she was a part of it, I looked her in her eyes and informed her, my parents did not raise a thief. Do I forgive her, hmmm probably, but will NEVER have anything to do with her anymore in this lifetime, Soror or not.    I should have picked up on that clue early, early on. I am awake and will discuss this in detail in the book. Citizen Informant Deceiving Sorors – amazing!  She tried for a couple of year, hair dresser, Florida, home, vending … I wonder what she was supposed to report.  And her partner in deceit, she is next for me to sever those deceit cords, I do not trust her at all!   Yet that is another blog, another day.  I can forgive them, but just not deal with them.  I don’t feign, fake, or faux well.  I digress so much, lol!  Oh well, it is what it is!

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