Today, I decided to do what I need to do before I do everything and that is to abide in the word and pray. I wish I could say I was disciplined in this approach daily. When I engage in my morning devotion(s), I typically begin with this devotional entitled Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, that this lovely white woman gifted to me during Bible Study and it has been one of my many comforts in the midst of this Bully and domestic terrorism storm. I point out white woman for a specific reason that I will discuss later in the Blog, thank you Mary Sue. The other book I begin with is entitled The Power of Prayer by E.M. Bounds. What I find fascinating in these reads are this – whenever I miss a day(s) and begin on the day at hand, it just truly feels that, that day’s word is meant exactly for me, especially in Jesus Calling, it seems to fit right into what is transpiring for me at that moment. I am constantly in awe and I find it amazing I don’t read it everyday because when I do, I am so inspired. I then move on to the Bible, typically from the referenced scriptures in Jesus Calling.
I think if I initiated this approach before each blog, I may be able to handle my anger triggers better. This morning, my devotion led me to Eph 3:20 and as typical, I delve beyond. Today I dove from Eph 314-21 A Prayer for the Ephesians to Living as Children of Light Eph 4:17-32. The song resonating in my mind at this moment is a song that was inculcated in my heart when I resided in Okinawa Japan between the ages of 10-13. That song is – This Little Light of Mine, I’m going to Let It Shine…. I still shower sing that today :o) So in this scripture, it is pure power for me and my current circumstances of what I oft-times term as unbridled hate.
Most of the people in my sphere if not all are Godly focused people. I think I can count on one hand any Atheists I’ve ever met as well as just downright evil and wicked people, as that has not been my orientation. I’ve met very few mean people along the way, so in this scripture, Eph 4:20 You, however did not come to know Christ that way and this is soooo true, as much as I resisted – my parents raised me on the side of right. Vs 26, In your anger do not sin – well, I have certainly blown that shreds on many, many occasions through my profanity laced tweets, blogs etc… v2 27 and do not give the devil a foothold, most of my life, I worked on this with a few fallen failures, but it was most important during this Bullying and Terrorism, because trust me, we can and do allow satan to take us there in our anger and rage.
When I think of the many media spins surrounding Workplace Violence, oft times placing a vast array of lies on the true victim – the shooter, without most being aware of the bullied and terrorized backstory, but immediately darkened in their beliefs by what the corrupt media wants you to know. As a child, I believed that everything I read in a Newspaper was absolutely true, that was being darkened in understanding. I could not comprehend how someone can go into a workplace and shoot people, that was so foreign to my psyche, that is – until I encountered Jeff Feinberg while at Verizon. It was at this point that I began to understand workplace violence and the need for a sound Godly foundation. It is paramount so that when satan comes to kill, steal and destroy, a grounded person no matter the pain, no matter the terrorist acts, WILL NOT give satan a foothold. TURN TO CHRIST at ALL COSTS so that you will NOT reciprocate evil and trust me, wicked people can and will take you there. You have to have something in you to abate evil and for me that is the Word. I recall Mr. Z from Capitol Hill calling to ask me about workplace violence based on an email ..saying it would only hurt me and my husband – the devils desperately wanted to make something out of this to mask the light to their Fraud/Corruption when all I was seeking was HELP and RELIEF from their wickedness/domestic terrorism. Fighting to expose the TRUTH has done and does this – HURT innocent lives!
You wanna talk about me giving thanks to God and my mom for being dragged to Church, this Jeff Feinberg/Verizon situation is clearly one time, where I screamed to the Lord a resounding thank you! God knew the day would come whereby I would encounter Jeff Feinberg and he knew how grave the pain would be, I had to be equipped so I would not fall total prey to these demons.
When I recall events like that short little lady at the CIA asking me if I owned a gun and I said noooo, I do not like those things, even in the military I did not like guns (and her lying report re their fave “mental” so I could and did not get my Poly for TRUTH, crooks – another separate blog on this), and here is where I digress. I guess fighting for Justice makes innocent citizens “mental”, then I I will be “mental” to expose gross injustices.
SUICIDE – As a butterball 2LT on my first work assignment in Germany, as the Officer in Charge (OIC), we received a call one night, that a soldier had gone into the Arms room and stolen a gun, it was rainy, it was cold and the search was on by the MPs, Polizei and soldiers who knew him, desperately trying to find him to abate a scenario of tragedy. Sadly, that did not happen. He was found with a fatal gunshot wound to his head. I think about that night, I worked in a Bunker and the Sergeants took care of their 2LT, they said mam, we suggest you don’t go, it is a bad scene, rigor mortis has set in. I didn’t even know what rigor mortis was at the time, but me being me and unashamed asked, what is rigor mortis, but as the OIC, I made the decision to go to the site, they let me walk up to the car in the biting cold and rain and there he sat in his car with a gunshot wound to the head and I just stared mortified but composed, such a nice guy, a quiet guy. It later came out that his German girlfriend broke up with him and he could not take it. That would be my first and last exposure to suicide in the Army.
I was raised that suicide is a sin and you go straight to hell if you take your own life. Have I ever attempted or thought of suicide – hmmm, that is book stuff. Will I ever commit suicide a RESOUNDING NO, that would be like giving Jeff Feinberg and Verizon a gift and I have no gifts for wicked people. What I’ve come to learn in this Jeff Feinberg’s hate is that everything reported as a suicide is NOT a suicide, some are murders staged as a suicide. It is amazing how gullible one’s perspective can be. Life will teach you some true ills in this fallen society. Every time I think of someone truly committing suicide, I see that little red demon perched on their shoulder laughing hysterically out of sheer joy. I recall another guy just out the blue telling me, he would never commit suicide and a year later, he was dead, ruled as a suicide – LIES! COVER-UP! I can’t even discuss that here, and yet one more at a Military School, I am not aware of the details, but something does not sit right in my core about this one, especially because I truly knew this individual and it occurred during the course of retaliation. I rremember one of his calls to me one night, he said – Dawn, God really loves you, this was an out of the blue comment and I asked, why do you say that? He said it again with emphasis and said he just does, girl, let me tell you, God loves you, but he would not expound. Later he would call to inform me that he is the unhappiest he has ever been in his life. I was planning to go visit him, but something bizarre happened, I had to go into the office that day, it was bizarre because we worked from home and for some reason all week we had to physically report to the office. I would later find out, this is the same week, my dear friend supposedly committed suicide and I would find out nearly a month later. The timing is haunting, it may be legitimate, but something in my core says something is more sinister than meets the eye. He used to pray for me in this Jeff Feinberg/Verizon scenario. I can’t help but wonder in his praying for me if they were listening in and then orchestrated a scenario that would bring him to the brink, seems to be their modus operandi.
The day of sheer pain, I was in the airport about to board a plane, I’d called his home and his wife said he was dead, I was like Linda Blair in Exorcist, my head swirled in painful disbelief, what did you say I queried making sure I did not hear what I thought she said and she repeated it, I lost it, right there in the airport and cried all the way to Atlanta, I called hubby – he cried, was going to not go on trip, hubby said go.
White ANGELs, Black bought and paid Demons – I was in a fog, I had to get a rental car, I was in line, I was crying, I could not contain myself and this white woman in Georgia came up to me with tissues and a hug right there in the airport, my God sent an angel, there is a reason they have been white, I will speak to that in another blog, because many of the demons have been black in this Feinberg hate, he’s the orchestrator and he used black demons in his evil. One white demon named Diane Troell, who would speak to me about depopulation and how she hated Jews, but I learned later this was a trap to get me to say something negative about Jews, but I never did, because there was nothing in my sphere at that time for me to be negative towards Jews or anyone. I was not raised that way, I was raised in a diverse culture, but this hate would change and has changed quite a few things. I even wonder now if Mr. Horton’s heart attack is medically real or DEWed? I question everything now and so I guess Jeff saying he haunts people forever has a lot of validity to it. The reason I now wonder about Mr. Horton is because in my opinion Diane was so cold and indifferent about this nice man’s death. She is evil, in my opinion. And to think I really liked that deceiver, I really did.
So after I learned a few things about what Jeff/Verizon was doing to me and my family, I began to hate white people and I did not want to hate white people because of Jeff Feinberg and his Fear Factor Fraud Squad. I was raised to love everyone, no matter the hue, but his orchestrated hate, tested the core of my soul, so much I had to change Churches. I had to transfer from an all black Church to a diverse cultured Church so I would not hate white people and I made no bones about me beginning to hate white people. I informed the Bible Study that I was there because I was bullied (this is only when I thought it was bullying) by white people and I was beginning to hate white people and I did not want to paint an entire race as evil because of a few evil ones because if someone black caused hurt and harm to them, I would not want them to hate me. So I immersed myself in the Bible Study of this diverse culture so satan would not have that hate foothold on me – thank you Lord! I was there, angry as hell with arms folded but I was there, because I was bound and determined to not let satan win by making me hate. This is why I believe God had a white woman give me Jesus Calling as well as the many other white women I was able to embrace, cry with and ultimately love. Staying in an all back Church would not have allowed me to transform my beginning hate to love as I would not have had the beneficial blessing of interacting with white people who love the Lord and eschewing racism as the white people in my new Church. I rather not make these blogs about race, but it is part of the landscape and must be discussed. I also informed a white Pastor what happened and why I made the change, telling him that I did not want to hate white people because of Jeff Feinberg and he broke down and cried right there.
Eph 4:29 says do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen, 30 and do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for redemption, 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you – Whew!!! this is what God gave me this morning and I have been woefully failing the test!
But God you don’t know, understand how I feel is what I want to say, knowing that would be so far from the truth! But God, how do I forgive all these heinous acts of terrorism of hate, But God, I’ve come a long way, I am not as bad as I used to be with my hate, doesn’t that account for something, But God just one time, this time, can I have this hate, it is righteous indignation, isn’t it? I mean after all I did NOTHING to Jeff Feinberg – what, yes, I am a sinner, have sinned, but not against Jeff Feinberg, Yes you have forgiven me over and over and over again!! I don’t know how to forgive this God and vacillate in wanting to. The rage is gone, the bitterness is some-what diminished, brawling gone, it is not slander when it is the truth – right, it is not slander when you are recounting events, sharing truth in a cathartic manner – right? I don’t have malice, I don’t think and so forth and so on and my child, the bottom line is obedience
When God gives us the Word, we are supposed to heed, probably why many of us to include me find ourselves in adverse situations – from downright disobedience when all the warning signs were there. It’s kinda like a person, a vehicle and a train track, the bars are coming down, the warning signs are in full effect, but just this one time, in our demented minds we can get through just one more time and BAM that train crashes right into you, for some there is no turning back, that is suicide and more often there is no turning back from a suicide attempt. We did not heed to the warnings and crashed and God gives plenty of warning before that the crash occurs. Avoiding warning signs from God brings PAIN. This is not to negate that the faith of good people does get tested.
God also gave me Eph 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.
Readers, I have come a long way from my anger, bitterness, rage, hurt….but I am not where I should be, want to be or need to be, I am trying, not sure how long it will take me, but God knows I am trying, just maybe not diligent enough in my efforts, I need to examine. I do know for sure, God does and have forgiven me and in order for me to have a Christlike mind, personality, spirit…, I will have to forgive in total, but this is a huge one. How does one forgive so much evil and terrorism from wicked beasts posing as people? I trust and believe that as I continue to focus on God, he will transform me to forgive. Lord knows I do not want to be bitter for the time he has me here on earth – just don’t want to be about that kinda life. So as the word says, I need to be in constant communion with God to achieve this, but they have done so much evil Lord, attempted to run me off the road, attempted murder, LIED, burned me with the satellite (my power revealed it) , stole money out my bank account (I made them put it back, my power) forced my tenants to move, damaged our properties, professionally disenfranchised (I have something else for you to do) , attempted numerous set-ups (but I kept you), they did not succeed with gangstalkers – Nadira, Altamese, Rosie, Diane Troell Diane Thomas, Betty, Lavonne, Barbara, Towanna, Mo, Warren, Cheryl, Jesse, Doreen, Kitt, STG Fronts/deceivers, the ones in Whole Foods et al… drained retirements (but I have the power to restore if I desire. Commune with Job for awhile), violated HIPAA (NP Stacy P. Hirsch), stole mail, satellite surveillance, rerouted calls, fake emails and email and phone interception threats, fake Petersburg raid, fake Roanoke bench warrant threat, appears responsible for several acts of terrorism and deaths (place your hope in me, not in what devils do).
Take Time To Be Holy. The word holy does not mean goody-goody: it means to set apart for sacred use. Excerpted from Jesus Calling, December 13
I know what I need to do, Intercessory Prayers of the righteous are welcomed as I need the strength to be obedient to forgive these devils. I am unable to do it alone.