Today, I went to the PMB. On my way in the building, I met this white lady on her way out of the coffee shop. She provided a compliment, I provided a thank you and a response. We chatted for about the next 15 minutes, excellent conversation – just really seem to have a connection. Had some great things in common, you know the ladies things – shoes, purses, layoffs, etc…I walked away from the conversation feeling really great. I wondered wouldn’t it just be nice if we could all get along free of hate and racism.
I went inside the PMB, I came outside, she was in her car, looked to be dialing on her phone. Then bam it hit me – what if she was a gangstalker, strategically planted for the reason(s) like many have been previously. Just purely fake/faux deceivers. Then at that moment, I said and felt like I did not care. The conversation was great and full of laughter, if she is – she is – at least I was kind to her. If she is then that is her problem, I’ve not done anything to her or any of the other wicked beasts entrenched in this fraud. This day, I was happy and in a great mood therefore; I am not worrying about it. Then I whispered a prayer to God and ask God to let me know who the deceivers are, allow my gut to know.
Six years prior, I would not have had these rationalizations. It would have never been a thought. It would have only been, I met a nice person. It would not have even been a hue association. So the haunting forever is now an indelible part of my psyche to question, to now second guess the authenticity of people. Now I have reservations about post contact, yes the haunting is real and “earth” ever. This is what Bullies and domestic terrorists do. The abuse, the trauma is weaved into our life’s fabric, that a straight seam seems impossible, but from my Christian roots (of which I woefully strayed time and time again, but still grounded) I’ve learned nothing is impossible for our God. As we say in the black Church – wael! I am not even sure I buy into that anymore, because I do not see anything, any circumstance assuaging or erasing those thoughts. It is not that I am a pessimist, because I’ve pretty much been an eternal optimist prior to this abuse and terrorism. Besides God, it is probably the reason that I am still standing.
Additionally, I get a call from a recruiter, one that request a modest fee ($2500- $7500) for payment – no doubt. Somehow his modest fee in his realm is a hefty scam in mine. Initially, he was full throttle, now he is delayed with the justification of personal issues. True – perhaps, but again the haunting, the second guessing, the looping, the distrust etc… the forever haunting. So these are just a few of the issues of those who have been or being bullied, abused, terrorized, traumatized, consumed with anger, rage – whatever one’s particular phase is in this type of scenario. The best prayers, counseling, therapy, prescribed medications, alcohol, drugs etc… cannot in my opinion erase the hurt and pain of such vile abuse.
Why did I say drugs, that is illegal. Yes it is and I am clearly not speaking to my situation. I am speaking in general or in reference to a particular situation that I am aware of that occurred, it just happens to be the same company complicit in this evil. An employee (black male) of about 30 years (grew up in the company) was about to retire, was happy, had a wife, had an adult child who had gone on to be a self-sustaining and maintaining citizen – a DoD school teacher. He was looking forward to enjoying his retirement. As I understand it, he was quite ebullient about his future freedom. Sadly, there are those who cannot embrace the achievements of others. So yes, a man (white) at the Pentagon, why does evil vector back to this building? Nevertheless, I digress. This white man was less than enthused about this black man retiring after 30 years of dedicated, diligent and committed, service as a sheeple – seriously – surely he earned his right to a decent retirement, but not if you are black in America? So this white man at the Pentagon concocted a lie against this black man and said they guy stole something off his desk. Are you serious?
Now one would think that a Company, who employed a solid worker with solid performance would have at least investigated this wicked allegation. No, that would cost to much, so they fired the black man after 30 years of service over a white man’s lie. It has happened for centuries, I do not envision this changing. I mean what a great way to not have to pay his retirement – devils. Imagine you working for a Corporation 30 years, being, doing, giving your best and then someone lies on you and you get fired, lose all your retirement and benefits. And we don’t understand workplace violence, don’t agree but now understand. Talk about demonic hate, talk about heartless, soul void beasts. I mean to have heard and recount this rips my heart to shreds. Breathe deep Dawn – his pain was so devastating, that he initially turned to alcohol to assuage the pain – the wife stayed with her husband trying to support, but his grief was unbearable, his pain – incalculable, he turned to drugs and this is when she had to divorce him. So now he has lost his pension, his wife, his child, his home. How we (the wife and I) ended up talking at a conference of more than 500 people is quite amazing to me, since I was still reeling from Bully pain orchestrated by Jeff Feinberg and it happened to be the same corporation. I saw her nearly a year later and queried how her Ex was doing and she told me he died that past December.
I did not know the man, but I nearly crumbled to the ground as if he was my sibling, my close relative. I was devastated!! So how does one grab, hold onto strength after hearing such wickedness. It made me more determined than ever to fight for all those before me, all those with me and all those to come after me. Perhaps my passion as to why I can’t let go. It reminds me of the song (seems like a song is always resonating in my ears while I write these blogs). This song in part words are I called on the Lord all night long and I wouldn’t let go until he blessed my soul, I’m a witness he can move – oove! I love this song and when I am in the car and the pain is so grave, I turn it up to the highest decibel possible. So I’ve learned to use music to drown my hurt and pain for the moment. A lady lost her husband, a daughter lost her father, parents – a son, a niece and nephew – an uncle, a sibling – a brother and so forth.
So you see abuse, lies, bullying is a domino effect that haunt many, not just one. I want to be a witness that God can move – oove! I want to be able to say, I know but I know. Does doubt seep in, yes it does, because when the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy, it seems he has the advantage and we are just left with pain and mere words, he/she will get theirs. Well sometimes, I want to scream when I hear that excrement. It is like I am sick and tired of black folks making excuses for someone’s evil on us and we will get our reward(s) in heaven.
If we do, seems like we will be so beat down, abused and scarred that we won’t be able to enjoy it. I sometimes want to scream and say, get this – “why come” we can’t get ours here on this wicked earth, everyone else seems to, but we have to be content with hue hate (how do we say wilderness children), medical experiments, maltreatment, lies, abuse etc…until we get to heaven and lest not forget we have to love and forgive these in the process – what is wrong with this picture? What is wrong with us, is this blind allegiance or remnants of the stockholm/helsinski syndrome dating back from when our ancestors were captives to slave masters to hate. Sometimes I do not want to buy, accept, or agree to all this bull excrement, I just don’t.
Especially when it comes to upstanding citizens encumbered by provocation of people with criminal tendencies via EMF or other bio terrorists attacks. When a person works, is contributing to society, not hurting anyone, paying their bills and just being God fearing, or whoever their higher power fearing is, striving to be and do right (perhaps not always, but striving) and then get selected to become a target in some Government experiment program to test endurance or whatever their mission statement is. To me it is a crock of bull. Allow me to share one more haunting truth from the same demonic company.
Lady, yes – black, working, being verbally and emotionally abused. Taunts of being pushed down, forced to stand in the cold when she gets to work early to prepare herself etc…and eventually fired, not only do they fire her, they work overtime to ensure she will not unemployment. All that money they have and they want to deny this woman her rightful unemployment compensation. She loses her parents, only child and home in the process. When we meet she was in a shelter. I meet her with a caseworker and at this moment I am no longer the strong, courageous woman that I am. I break down and cry like a baby right there in the restaurant. I apologize, I can no longer contain myself. Her abuse, the abuse of the man, my abuse, your abuse and millions more are occurring everyday and at the end of the day, so few gives a damn about and it seems to be the American way. I am not sure of my fate in all this, but until God tells me no, I will fight to expose this heinous fraud as this is insanely ridiculous. They need to put some of these evil, wicked ass domestic terrorists through the program and see if they can take the evil they dish out. This is truly the devil advocates company, it truly is. So, we will see if God will move – oove! I can only trust he will, how I have no clue as this is one wicked ass army of devils.